


Confidence In Rain

by Edwardina



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Community: blindfold_spn, M/M, Piss-Drinking, Shyness, Watersports
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-25
Updated: 2011-01-25
Packaged: 2018-02-18 22:05:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2363726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Edwardina/pseuds/Edwardina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>prompt: Jared is a confident and completely normal loving boyfriend to Jensen.  And they've been together for awhile before Jensen discovers Jared's  horribly humiliating secret: he can't pee with people around. But when Jensen finds out, he's not angry or disgusted at Jared and doesn't mock him for it at all. Instead he offers to help, and is loving  and patient about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confidence In Rain

**Author's Note:**

> Written for blindfold_spn and originally posted [here](http://community.livejournal.com/blindfold_spn/3417.html?thread=4708441#t4708441).
> 
> Title from "I Have Confidence" from The Sound of Music. Yep. I liked this prompt so much. Shy to pee? I'm there. I haven't really written J2 that isn't from the same D/s 'verse in ages, but it moved me.

Sometimes Jared feels like he's living a lie, keeping this a secret.

It's not like Jared's leading a double life, or anything. He's not Batman. It's not that huge, and being Batman would be way cooler. It's not like that. Plus, he's been gay and out since he was a senior in high school. He shed that shame the second he realized he had it and has never looked back, and has pushed forward in his life determined not to let being different or whatever keep him from anything and everything.

Maybe that's part of what makes it so hard. The weirdness and randomness of it, the total lameness of it as a personal problem, makes it too humiliating to even try to talk to his doctor about -- and he's tried to, but he can't. He failed to be able to get a urine sample out in the office the last time he was there, and hasn't been back since. This problem overtakes his life, and no one has any clue how hard it is for him to just function normally.

The thing is, how do you explain it to somebody? Everybody on the whole damn planet pees without a second thought. It's the most normal biological function ever, and when he's alone, it's... it's okay. He can really focus and ignore all the sensitive triggers that are slammed if anyone else is around. _Just do it_ , he tells himself, imagining that's what pretty much anybody would say to him. _Just relax. It's no big deal._ And alone, that's fine. Even if it takes him a minute, he knows he's alone, and eventually relaxes in the utter quiet. 

But anywhere else, with anyone else around, there always comes the reflexive, _I can't. I can't. What if they hear?_ The horror grips him up tight, shuts everything down. And so Jared's gotten used to holding it.

He doesn't even notice doing it, exactly, holding it for hours as he's out with friends or over at his mom and dad's, or with with his boyfriend. It becomes second nature. There might be a bathroom fifteen feet away, but it's just not an option. It's just a part of life at this point, straining and shifting with the discomfort of a full bladder until he's free, free to come home and unzip and stand there by his toilet waiting for the grip of tension to leave him. _Just relax. Just relax. Time to go._

He guesses it was inevitable that his boyfriend would notice something was off with him, once they moved in together. Up till then, Jared was able to hide it, say good night to Jensen if he really, really had to _go_ , or just -- hold it, if he really couldn't bear to say good night, and exist in that bubble of prolonged discomfort until it was pain.

But what was Jared supposed to do, _not_ jump at the opportunity to do this with Jensen? Jensen's the most awesome guy Jared's ever dated. He's the most beautiful dude Jared's ever seen -- but that hardly matters in comparison to how smart he is, how hilarious. And he can grill steak like a pro. You just don't say no to that. You just don't.

Since Jared had been so cajoling about it, Jensen had readily agreed to move in to Jared's smaller place, giving up his loft downtown with the high ceilings and great security that Jared would've loved to live in, if it hadn't been for the spacious bathroom that made the sound of piss hitting the toilet echo around the place like some industrial jackhammer. But Jensen didn't seem to mind the downgrade. For a little while, Jared was actually optimistic he could make it all work; he could schedule his pissing around both their lives, piss while Jensen was at work or grocery shopping or at the complex's gym. He'd hold it till he was at work and use the can then, during lunch, when everyone was either eating in their cubicles or was out with the boss. He could do once a day. He totally could. And maybe with time, he thought, it would get better.

But it didn't, really.

It went from not being able to pee with Jensen in the next room -- or anywhere too close by, anywhere where he could possibly hear that crude noise of Jared's piss loudly falling into the toilet -- to not being able to pee if Jensen was in the apartment at all. He just couldn't. He just... _couldn't_.

It's not like he didn't try. He did. He ran the faucet, quiet at first and then as loud and fast as he could get the water to rush out, thinking maybe it would help cover up the noise; maybe it would help him let go, let everything rush out like the water was rushing out of the faucet. He'd stand there for five minutes, ten, twenty, trying to relax and let go but instead just thinking of how much water he was wasting that way. If he was going to use that much water, he could at least try going in the shower, however gross it seemed to do that when he shared that shower with his boyfriend. But he couldn't do that, either. Hot showers lasted about five minutes tops in his place. The water went from hot, enveloping him in a cloud of steam and privacy, to lukewarm, to cool as Jared stood in it, holding his dick and hoping to aim right for the drain. The cold water just made him shrivel and feel tighter, his body shivering to get away.

It didn't take all that long for their sex life to derail, seemingly randomly to Jensen, because Jared would flinch in the mornings, bladder too full for his dick to get hard. He had to shy away.

"Somethin' wrong?" Jensen finally asked him sensitively, sounding concerned that he'd done something wrong, when it was Jared that was totally screwed up. "You didn't want me to touch you yesterday, either."

"Dude, no, I'm just --" It took Jared a second to land on something that didn't sound too lame as he eased himself out of bed and reached for a t-shirt. "Thinkin' about work a lot."

"So you still like me, right?" asked Jensen, falling back on his pillow.

"More than that," Jared replied truthfully. Jensen's mouth was hungry for it when Jared rounded the bed and gave him a kiss. Arousal made Jared's guts strain, but it was unpleasant, and he tried not to openly wince. "Gotta get dressed," he whispered, and Jensen hummed sleepily, stroking his arm as he pulled away. Jared shut himself in the bathroom across the hall, then, and started his shower.

Usually he gets lucky at the office, giving up his lunch hour mostly to just take an epically relieving piss in private, but every now and then he hears what he thinks is the door opening and his piss cuts off abruptly mid-stream, muscles clamping down making all the effort of letting it out all in vain. Sometimes a suit or two comes in to use the urinals (something Jared hasn't done since he was about twelve in a public restroom) and he closes his eyes in embarrassment, listening to them carelessly taking a leak and talking sports or whatever. He prays for them not to notice his legs there in the stall behind them, hopes they wouldn't look at him and think, _Why is that guy just standing there? What, is he jerking off?_ He feels like such a freak.

It goes on like this for months, with Jared unable to find a routine. If he gets enough privacy and doesn't get filled up during the day with liquids, sex is totally on back on the rails like a fucking freight train when he gets home. But if he doesn't -- which is a lot because he's a hugely tall guy and if he doesn't hydrate, he can't make it through a work-out, which means he's both tall and pudgy -- he leaves Jensen confused. Jared tries to make up for it by sucking his cock, but Jensen's so heartbreakingly sweet and always wants to touch him back and always seems to be asking him if he's okay, if Jared still thinks he's hot, if Jared still wants to live with him. 

Everything's messed up, all because Jared can't just pee anytime.

Then one day, it all comes out. The doctor's office calls and mistakes Jensen for Jared and tries to get him to come in for another try at the urine sample, and even though Jensen doesn't know the why of it, it's thoroughly humiliating.

"I don't know, man, I just couldn't get them a sample. I was uncomfortable. I guess I didn't drink enough," Jared mutters.

"You don't drink a damn thing anymore," Jensen says, but he doesn't seem mad, getting his arm around Jared's waist. "All that wine we picked out's just gathering dust. The same three bottles of water have been in the fridge since the day I moved in. I've never even heard you taking a leak."

"You haven't?" Jared asks, more relieved than anything else.

"Nope. You're like a mouse. A really, really huge mouse." Jensen pushes up on his toes to kiss him, a loving smile lingering on his lips afterward. "Relax," he whispers. "I like your place. You can just do what you normally do. I'm not just a guest anymore."

"I can't --" Jared starts, his crazy reflex nudged.

"Yeah, I noticed," Jensen says seriously. "I noticed like, two months into our relationship, Jared."

Panic clenches in Jared's gut, the same place where it shuts down when he thinks about anyone listening to that loud fucking piss sound. It comes out weird and stunted. "What?"

"I thought you were just... like, edgy about public toilets, which believe me, as a gay dude, I understand. But I think I get it now that I'm with you all the time. You're, like, the shyest dude I've ever met, which is crazy 'cause you're also the most outgoing, awesome, confident guy I've ever met."

Jared's turning red slowly, painfully, the sensation prickling through his veins.

"Man, it's okay. It's cute, even."

"Don't say that," Jared begs. "It's not like that. I have a --"

He can't say _problem_. It's too serious. It's too vulnerable.

Jensen's fingers spread out over his chest and rub him softly. "What is it, like, a phobia?"

"I don't know," whispers Jared. "I can't see anybody about it. I tried."

"Yeah, I know you did. That was brave."

"No, it wasn't." Christ, Jensen's being so sweet, Jared feels like even more of a coward for not being able to go through with the doctor's -- for not just being able to conquer this stupid issue like he conquered his sexuality, his education, the rest of his life.

"Yes, it was," Jensen argues firmly. "It was brave, Jared. It's brave to try to get help. And if you let me, I'm here to help you, too. Whatever you need. Seriously, it's not gonna affect how I feel about you, if you need me to give you more privacy or whatever. We'll make it work."

"It's... it's bad. I don't want you to move out," Jared manages. "I really want to live with you. I just -- I can't explain it. But I can't go with anyone around."

Jensen pauses, then slides his other arm around Jared, getting him in a chest-to-chest hug. "I bet you could."

"Jensen..."

"You don't have a problem with coming when you're fucking me, do you?"

Fuck, he's just getting more and more red. "No."

"You like it when I suck your dick, right? You like coming in my mouth?"

"Yeah," Jared sighs hotly, the words getting to him more than he can take right then, his bladder too full for his dick to get any more than half-mast, the desire to shoot his load dwarfed but totally confused by the need to piss.

"Let's try something."

He winds up in the bathroom with Jensen, something that jacks his hackles up so high it's a wonder Jensen isn't completely put off by his stiff posture and pained face. He lets Jensen spoon up behind him as they stand in front of the toilet, lets his boyfriend gently unbuckle his belt and undo his zip, cheek pressed to Jared's shoulder warmly. He isn't gonna do this. It isn't gonna happen. Jared's got a lump in his throat from the anxiety of it all, on top of realizing that Jensen's going to be disappointed when he learns the extent of the problem. He lets Jensen squirm his fingers into his boxers like he would if he was going to get a reach-around handjob and pull his cock out.

"If you can't, that's okay," Jensen assures him, like he's reading Jared's mind. "I just want you to try."

Ten minutes crawls by as Jensen holds his cock in patient fingers, every second long and humiliating and fended off by Jared squeezing his eyes shut. Jensen strokes his back for much of it, murmuring sweet things that simultaneously embarrass Jared and make him able to stand there until the next one comes: "You're okay. You're doin' good, Jared. It's not a race. You don't have to, just remember. I like holdin' you like this. I love you. It's okay."

It starts to get a little more comfortable after about forty-five minutes, even though Jared's knees are locked and he's aching all over from the tension. The warmth of Jensen's chest against his back is simultaneously invasive and nice. _Just try_ , he starts to think, pushing at himself tentatively. _Just for Jensen. He can't hear me -- I don't want him to hear me. But he wants to hear. Or he at least wants to help._ It's hard to combat the weird guilty feelings. _He can't help. He doesn't want to hear this. I can't do this._

Jensen hugs him.

It's been at least an hour.

Maybe Jensen can stand there all night, telling him it's okay.

Then something happens, out of nowhere, in the middle of the bubble of warmth Jensen's put around him -- his cock jerks in Jensen's fingers with a single spurt of urine, thunderous when it lands in the toilet bowl.

Shock at himself ricochets back through Jared and he clamps down horribly, bladder cramping from the strain of his muscles against it, and though the blush had mostly drained out of his face, it races back with a painful vengeance.

"I can't," he gasps, humiliated, stopping short -- stopping everything.

"You just did!" Jensen exclaims, sounding surprised. "You did it, Jared. You did awesome."

A weird feeling blooms in Jared's chest, expanding against the panic impossibly.

"But you heard it," he says, embarrassed.

"Yeah. I felt it, too. Felt it push through your dick before it even came out."

"God, Jensen," mumbles Jared, strangled with how much that is. He totally doesn't know what to do with it.

"I thought it was hot," Jensen says, warm breath by his ear. He kisses Jared's overheated, sweaty neck. "If I take a hike for a while, can you finish?"

"I don't know," Jared admits.

"Okay. C'mon, then, let's get to bed and just relax, talk a little. You're so tense, you're gonna be hurting in the morning like you ran a marathon or something."

Jared's so fucking embarrassed that it takes forever for him to come back down from where all that put him; Jensen's gentle with him, cupping his face and rubbing his shoulders and repeatedly saying, _You did awesome. I'm so happy you did that for me. I know it's rough. But you don't have to be embarrassed. It's gonna work out. I'm serious._ They fall asleep tangled up together. And after all that, even though Jensen knows his secret, Jared's never felt closer to anyone.

He wakes up relaxed, warm, moaning slightly -- and pissing his brains out.

"Nngh," he moans, trying to jerk the flow to a pause reflexively and forcing himself awake, inevitable horror looming, expecting to hear the noisy, continuous break of the water in the toilet bowl catching his piss or the nasty _plap_ of the hot stream of it against porcelain, or the bleed of it against his briefs, so much piss he was holding back so hard all night...

But there's none of that. It's just darkness and warm fucking heat tucked all around his cock, like a dream. Jensen makes a gruff, throaty noise and a warm hand rubs at Jared's belly, tickling his bladder; Jared can't help the piss that surges up out of him needily. His desperate hands find Jensen's head down in his lap, and it takes Jared another second to realize Jensen's sucking his dick, getting pee in his mouth and swallowing it down with a sexed-up puff of an exhale.

"Jensen, fuck," he grunts groggily, some wall in him wanting to slam down because he knows Jensen can't do this, can't want it -- but it feels so like a blowjob, he wonders with most of his brain nonsensical from sleep if Jensen even noticed, even felt that piss in his mouth.

He's not quite in control of his body yet. Jensen massages away the insistent clench of muscle in his gut like magic and huffs in approval as he coaxes another helpless rush of piss from Jared. There's nothing loud about it, nothing announcing he's emptying his bladder with Jensen just breathing and taking it, swallowing it down.

"Oh my God," Jared whispers as that fully hits him, and this time, instead of freezing up, he heats up from the inside out and lets the fuck go, relief orgasmic in his limbs as he lets Jensen have his piss, all of it, in a hot urgent slamming stream. He can hear Jensen gulping, but there in bed, in the darkness, it's hot, like when they fuck dirty in the middle of the night and Jared can still feel his load sloppy on his dick in Jensen's ass.

Finally, it stops. He's empty. He's light. And Jensen lets his cock slide, hardening up fast, from between his lips, panting. Jared can smell the bitter musk of piss on his breath and shudders.

"How's that? That better?" Jensen wants to know.

Jared grabs him, crushes Jensen to him, over-warm with a familiar strain of embarrassment.

"I'll do that for you anytime, Jared. Anytime you want," Jensen whispers.

Most of Jared, especially the knee-jerkishly shy part that cannot let go, wants to protest and say, _You can't. I can't._

But you just don't say no to that, Jared thinks. You just don't.


End file.
